Karma

No one is born hating another person because of the colour of his skin, or his background, or his religion. People must learn to hate, and if they can learn to hate, they can be taught to love, for love comes more naturally to the human heart than its opposite. --Nelson Mandela

The Animal Inside 1.23.12

I don't want to sit here and bitch about how miserable I am all the time, but well I'M MISERABLE! When the year begun I had thought that the problem was finding who I am. The more and more I try to find who I am I'm figuring it out that its not that hard to realize who I am. The part that has been the hardest is looking back on my past and putting the pieces together for as to why I am the person I am today. I'm starting to realize I might not be this positive person I try to convince everybody else I am. Maybe I am an angry person. Or maybe there is a sadness inside of me I havn't come to terms with yet. All I know is that I'm not happy and I cant remember the last time I was truly happy. Yeah we all have moments of happiness whether it's a birthday, boyfriend, or weekend outing, but this is more than that. I'm not saying I'm this depressed human being. If you met me you'd probably think I'm the happiest person alive. The truth is that I think I put off this happiness and positivity for everyone else to see and maybe ill start to feel it if I try to help other people and show them that happiness is possible. I've come to terms that for the rest of my life I will be devoting my life to making others happy because this is what makes me happy as a person. If I'm not helping other people or making them happy my life has no meaning. I'just know that one day when i get out of this hell whole they call a "home" that i will do great things, but damn time and days seem to be going by so slow. I know I'm not the only one out there that feels like that. Even if we don't have the same problems as the person that is sitting next to us we do all have one thing in common. We can all agree that we want to make something of ourselves and maybe well that's just what I need to be happy... to be successful. then maybe finding myself will come easier. I wish it would just hurry up. I feel like I've been waiting for centuries.

Music

It seems to amaze me how music can effect your mood so much. I say this not randomly but because Ive been in such a funk lately. I never knew that changing my play-list in my car can change my mood and motivation so much. Ive been listening to a lot of Britt Nicole and Natasha Bedingfield the last few days and I cant lie... Im feeling pretty damn good. Have you ever noticed that? Have you ever tried that. Try listening to a string of depressing music and then go about your day. The next day listen to uplifting music and then go about your day. I promise you you'll see a significant difference. I honestly think that its the answers to my prayers. Obviously you have to put in effort as well but I think it will make a load of difference in my everyday life and in my quest of finding me. It will help me have a positive outlook on life. I'd like to say I'm a very positive person but i find myself being more and more negative as I get older. I suppose I should nip that in the butt so to speak as soon as possible. Nobody wants a "Negative Nancy" on their hands.

Bare with me. 1/8/2012

So I don't really know what a blog is or how to use it but I'm trying this thing where I don't think I just "do". My whole life I've over analyzed and thought through every little thing but starting today i am going to find myself and give in to losing myself. Who ever is listening out there I'm not writing this to be interesting or entertaining. I wouldn't care less if not one person ever saw this. well actually id prob prefer that. I'm writing this because maybe you can relate to me. I also just kinda needed an outlet to express myself. I mean who doesn't? My journey of finding Mina (me) has just begun.

This is me. I think?