The Animal Inside 1.23.12

I don't want to sit here and bitch about how miserable I am all the time, but well I'M MISERABLE! When the year begun I had thought that the problem was finding who I am. The more and more I try to find who I am I'm figuring it out that its not that hard to realize who I am. The part that has been the hardest is looking back on my past and putting the pieces together for as to why I am the person I am today. I'm starting to realize I might not be this positive person I try to convince everybody else I am. Maybe I am an angry person. Or maybe there is a sadness inside of me I havn't come to terms with yet. All I know is that I'm not happy and I cant remember the last time I was truly happy. Yeah we all have moments of happiness whether it's a birthday, boyfriend, or weekend outing, but this is more than that. I'm not saying I'm this depressed human being. If you met me you'd probably think I'm the happiest person alive. The truth is that I think I put off this happiness and positivity for everyone else to see and maybe ill start to feel it if I try to help other people and show them that happiness is possible. I've come to terms that for the rest of my life I will be devoting my life to making others happy because this is what makes me happy as a person. If I'm not helping other people or making them happy my life has no meaning. I'just know that one day when i get out of this hell whole they call a "home" that i will do great things, but damn time and days seem to be going by so slow. I know I'm not the only one out there that feels like that. Even if we don't have the same problems as the person that is sitting next to us we do all have one thing in common. We can all agree that we want to make something of ourselves and maybe well that's just what I need to be happy... to be successful. then maybe finding myself will come easier. I wish it would just hurry up. I feel like I've been waiting for centuries.